Dear Lakshya,
I hope
you’re not drunk while you’re reading this. I just want to tell you stuff about
what’s happening to our relationship. I still remember the first interaction we
had. It was in the comment box of a picture of two adorable baby bats that you
tagged to Marco. You guys were talking about Nikita and what if she finds those
bats in her underwear. I commented that the baby bats were cute and you highly
disagreed; you think they are hideous. Do you remember this? I hope you do.
I still remember the first conversation we had
together. Though unclear I know it all started with the customary “boy says hi
and girl says hello”. I also remember laughing because you replied ‘good’ and
that time it was an inappropriate reply.
I remember calling you ‘bro’ and talking about
your 30+ year old girl friend that you broke up with because you said she was
too horny. I remember how fun it was that we talked so freely about music and
school and life. I miss those days.
I remember telling you about Marco and his
usual badmouthing habits. You said I should not let him treat me like that. So
I started fighting Marco back, but since then, he’s become worse. I told you
that he’s always hurting my feelings. You said I should leave him. When I left
him he commented on many of my pictures that I should add him, add him, add
him, add him. I deleted everything and added him back again because he was too
annoying.
Everything was okay until one night October 10, 2013, he got pissed
because I was watching a TV Series that he hates, he sent me a picture of his
ex Nikita. It hurt me, and I told you about it. You said I deserve someone
else. I talked to him and he promised never to hurt me again. But the
badmouthing was still there, and I was getting tired of helping him out when
he’s on his pervert mood.
Weeks after that we have talked a lot about
each other and I honestly but quietly noticed changes in the way you talk to
me. You’ve stopped calling me ‘girl’ and you kept on saying that I have to
leave him and find someone that deserves me. But I just ignored it.
October 24, 2013, our classes ended for the
Halloween Season and Semester Break. I wasn’t online for more than a week.
November 4, 2013, I came back to my Internet
life and Marco and I were doing well just like the usual. We started to get
really close to each other since the day I came back and you were asking me to
leave him and telling me horrible truths about him. I was hurt, betrayed, lied
to. But then somehow I was glad that I have a friend who saved me from those
lies that Marco constructed just to have me. I was glad I had a friend like
you.
After a day or two, I still haven’t talked to
Marco about breaking up and suddenly you told me you liked me. I was shocked.
Off course I was. But then I realized how much I liked talking to you than
Marco. I realized how much I liked you. We have the same taste in music, we
laugh at each other’s jokes, we understand each other. Later, I told you I
liked you too and you grew more and more persistent on the breakup plan for Marco.
But then we both didn’t want to hurt him.
October 7, 2013, when I thought everything was
perfect between the two of us, I was cursed, insulted, sworn to, humiliated,
called indecent names and yelled at by your ex girlfriend who knows your
password. I was petrified to hell! I didn’t know what to do. I tried to explain
but you told me it would just get worse if I interfere with your conversation
with Sanjana. I did what she told me to do. I un-friended you. Later that night
you added me on another account that only had a bunch of foreign girls as
friends. I didn’t mind.
Everything was bliss, everything was perfect.
We never had one single argument. We understood and loved each other. We had so
many things that differ like our religion, our culture, our environment, our
friends but then we learned to grow and love as we embraced our differences. We
had plans for our future and it was just so perfect. Days passed and I fell in
love with you more and more until I finally got my mom to believe that I really
am in love with you. I started trying to be better. I studied harder so I had
time to chat with you. I haven’t been eating breakfast and dinner sometimes
because I wanted to lose weight so that when you come here, I would look
better. I was so happy to have you Lakshya Singh and you don’t know how much I
love you.
November 27, 2013, I thought this was another
day of bliss but it just ended up with you not noticing my mood signals. It’s
really cute that you don’t notice, you’re such a baby bunny and I love that.
You went off line and I see Marco’s status’s comments with my name on it. It
says I was a stalker that kept on liking his statuses. I talked to him and he
said he wants me back. He said he misses me. I didn’t want to make him mad
because I would just make the situation worse if I force him to stop. I
intended to beg him to stop and make him realize that he was better with this
girl ‘Myla’ than with me. But he insisted on wanting me and tells me how it he
jerked off to my pictures that afternoon. He said he’s getting hard and he
needs me to help. I told him I loved another guy. I couldn’t afford to say your
name because I don’t want him to be mad at you as well. I didn’t want to break
your friendship.
When I started talking about how I love you and
how he needs to let go he started messaging me horny stuff. I wanted to refuse
but I know it would just end up to a fight. I decided to help him jerk off. I
know you’ve already read everything but if you noticed, our illicit
conversation did not end in a way that every chat sex should end. I didn’t wait
for him to have his release. I intended that because I realized that this won’t
do anything good, that it wouldn’t stop him from getting mad at me. It was also
awkward because I kept thinking about you throughout the conversation so I went
offline.
November 28, 2013, I woke up excited to greet
my one true love a Happy 19th Birthday. I went to school and it was
just so exhausting. The moment I reached my dorm I went online to chat with
you. I missed you so much and I know one ‘I love you’ from Lakshya Singh would
always take all my stress away. But instead, I ended up crying in the fire ext
stairs with a tab smudged with tears, trembling lips and fingers, swollen eyes
and broken heart. It was the first time that I ever cried for a boy, much more
for a boy whom I never met. But then it was for the boy that owns my whole
heart.
Lakshya baby, If only I could undo the things
I’ve done and the pain I caused, I would; all because I love you too much.
With all the love
I could offer,
Clare
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